What Can You Say When You Can’t Say Much?

Earlier this year, I was so ready to walk away from this blog. I was tired of the hustle it took to stay on the social media hamster wheel, and if I was going to stay online at all, I wanted to just be myself. No hustle, no pitch, no swag, just me.

Then in June I got a job working in social media, a real time clock with a real paycheck, and I thought that would give me even more freedom to just focus on the personal here and enjoy my blog for what it was.

But something happened that I did not anticipate: I found myself in a series of circumstances where I couldn’t truly write about the things that were making the most personal, emotional impacts on me, mostly because they involved other people, and I wanted to respect their privacy.

My new job, our move to Oregon – both of those HUGE transitions in my life – and I don’t even feel like I own them. For the first time in a very, very long time, my story is too intertwined with someone else’s story for me to share without hesitation or possible regret.

So…it’s been pretty quiet here. And almost awkward. I process life by writing it, and – since I started blogging – sharing it. I don’t know what this blog is to me if I can’t do that here. It’s been too hard to come and write one dialogue, when there is a totally different one running in my head.

But it feels like it’s time for me to find a place for both – for the things I can’t write down, and the things (the really great things!) that are being choked back and deserve a place to bloom. I need to recall my voice and give it to the stories of my life that I do own. Then maybe I’ll know what this blog is to me again.

  • Jennifer Patrick

    You are so awesomely talented. So glad that you’ll be blogging here, too – even with all your other commitments. But don’t be too hard on yourself….just do what feels right and is a good balance for your life. We’ll be there for you no matter what!

  • Rachel @ Busy Mommy Media

    I think it’s often that way. I’ve been going through one of the hardest experiences of my life this year but it isn’t my story to tell so I don’t share it. But that does make you feel more alone when you are used to sharing things.

  • MotheringFromScratch

    I can SO relate to this! In fact, I quit blogging for an entire year for this very reason. I then relaunched my blog with a retooled focus that allowed me to minister to moms without getting so personal that I was stepping on my family’s privacy. God will show you the way. He’s doing it for me! 🙂

    • Thank you so much for sharing your own experience! This is still such an unusual world we inhabit online, sometimes it’s hard for me to really explain to people who don’t blog what it’s like to censor and rearrange my thoughts (or why that would even matter). I appreciate knowing that I’m not the only one who has had to do this, and am encouraged by your success! 🙂

  • I hope you find your way – no matter what route it takes you. And know you’ve been missed!

    • Thanks so much, Mo! I think I’m figuring out that more than “finding” my way, I just have to “make” my way. Time to get up and get to work! 🙂

  • Jen L.

    Woo, boy, do I hear you on that. There are so many things swirling in my head, but I hesitate to share them out of fear I’ll say too much or say it in the wrong way. I hope you can find a way to share what you need to, say what you need to, because I certainly love reading your words!