Earlier this year, I was so ready to walk away from this blog. I was tired of the hustle it took to stay on the social media hamster wheel, and if I was going to stay online at all, I wanted to just be myself. No hustle, no pitch, no swag, just me.
Then in June I got a job working in social media, a real time clock with a real paycheck, and I thought that would give me even more freedom to just focus on the personal here and enjoy my blog for what it was.
But something happened that I did not anticipate: I found myself in a series of circumstances where I couldn’t truly write about the things that were making the most personal, emotional impacts on me, mostly because they involved other people, and I wanted to respect their privacy.
My new job, our move to Oregon – both of those HUGE transitions in my life – and I don’t even feel like I own them. For the first time in a very, very long time, my story is too intertwined with someone else’s story for me to share without hesitation or possible regret.
So…it’s been pretty quiet here. And almost awkward. I process life by writing it, and – since I started blogging – sharing it. I don’t know what this blog is to me if I can’t do that here. It’s been too hard to come and write one dialogue, when there is a totally different one running in my head.
But it feels like it’s time for me to find a place for both – for the things I can’t write down, and the things (the really great things!) that are being choked back and deserve a place to bloom. I need to recall my voice and give it to the stories of my life that I do own. Then maybe I’ll know what this blog is to me again.