Why My Mind Can’t Manage To Stay in the Present

calendar

My mind seems caught in a six-month time warp.

Even though I am going through each day, fulfilling responsibilities, meeting deadlines, completing routine tasks, my mind is not here.

It’s on a six-month fast-forward, caught up in anxieties and hopes and the frenetic logistics of moving our family yet again.

Last July my husband took a job promotion in Chicago. The kids and I stayed in Houston so our oldest daughter could finish her senior year here. The plan was to move our entire family after graduation, most likely to Chicago.

We’ve had news since then that my husband is needed in his company’s new Dallas office. So…we’ll remain in Texas. [mixed emotions there] He now commutes weekly between Houston and Dallas, and we are scheduled to move during the 2nd week of July.

Even though our move will now be only 3 hours away (instead of several states away), moving a family our size – with a house our size – is still a monumental feat.

As part of his relocation package, we’ll have movers pack and transport our things. We had the same arrangement for our move from Oregon to Texas, and although it sounds quite cushy, there are still many challenges.

Namely: deciding exactly what’s worth moving (again) and what needs to be weeded from our possessions. The movers may be packing our things, but I still have to unpack them, and what do I really want to find space for in a new, likely much smaller, home?

So I’ve been finding myself walking through my house, evaluating every couch and cushion, plate, book, photo, and more. Everything, big and small, is under the microscope.

Makes it hard to just live each day, feeling like that. And trust me,  I have enough “life” to occupy my every thought as it is. It’s making me a little crazy to try and fit two lives into each day: things as they are now, things as they need to be in six months.

And yet, I feel blessed to have this time to prepare. We’ve moved before with little notice, and that is tough as well. I need to make the most of this, even if it does make me feel chained to a fixed point 1/2 a year down the road. It’s a tug-of-war, to be sure.

Then there is the entire matter of where, exactly, we will live. Six months seems incredibly early to find an area we love, but I think we have. Which makes me anxious, too, because it’s not like we can put any applications in, pay any deposits, lay claim to anything at all. We have to hope opportunities will be open when it’s time to put everything in writing. That’s a lot of faith to place in the future.

My husband says these months will pass in a flash, and I’m sure he’s right. For now, though, I’m stuck straddling two distinct points in time and praying that the moments in between don’t wreck my nerves too much.

And don’t even get me started on what is coming in September! (two words: daughter + college. yikes!)

______________________________________________