Mommies, Forgive Your Babies

I had an ugly mom moment this morning, which led to a profound revelation.

Our toddler woke up at 3am, ready for the day.  My confusion was staggering.  As was I, given that I had just gone to bed 2.5 hours before he woke.

He wasn’t fussy or irritable, just really energetic and wanting to play.  I wasn’t feeling game.

I wanted to shout, “Why don’t you sleep?!”  But instead I just grumbled and barked at him to stop jumping on the couch, sit down, let’s quietly watch this show until it’s time to get everyone up for the day.

I spent the next few hours with my face in a scowl and my shoulders in a knot, until I realized what I was feeling.

I was MAD at my 18 month old son.  I was so, so angry.

Which made me immediately feel very stupid.  And sad, and upset with myself.

I realized that I needed to forgive my son for needing me in the way he did; otherwise, I was going to be stuck in this nasty rut all day, and not able to look at him with the love and caring that he deserved.

I want to say something:  I think it’s natural for a mother to get angry and resentful at her kids.  I don’t think moms should be ashamed of this necessarily, but definitely uncomfortable enough with their behavior to want to change.

I think moms need to start by showing forgiveness and letting go of their anger towards these little people who rely on our sacrafices to find their way.  If it’s not enough to fix this internally, then talk to someone, get out of the house, change up your routine a little bit.  Anything to knock your attention away from your anger and regain your focus and perspective.

Right now my son is upstairs in his crib, kicking the walls with gusto.  It seems he doesn’t want to nap.  I feel that now familiar rise of frustration, but I’m going to try to face it, let it go, and focus on loving my son.

  • Great Post!

  • Oh my gosh – you wrote my life exactly! My 2 year old son is just like this. All too often I feel the frustration & yes ANGER at him … all too often I sit back and think – “why am I angry at my little guy who needs me so much?” – I can’t ever answer that in a way that makes any sense.. how can I get “angry” and “frustrated” for being needed? I mean it’s suppose to be a good feeling, but with the added stress of hubby working 6 days a week and me being alone with a 7 month old and 2 year old – ALL DAY – and then having my 6 year old home with them for a bit before hubby gets home – I am just plain stretched beyond my limit. But this post was great & I love that you wrote it – thank you!

    P.S. Yes I ramble A LOT, so I apologize for the super long comment

  • Lissa

    This post hit home.

  • The topic for my article that will appear in the April issue of Root & Sprout is how to move beyond the resentment you may feel toward your special needs child. I can’t tell you how many people responded to my query just to tell me that (in so many words) I should feel ashamed for those rare moments in which I don’t love my son unconditionally. People like that, who are quick to condemn, are precisely why mothers are afraid to speak out.

    We need to be allowed to feel the way we do; however, like you said, it’s important that you find a way to understand those feelings and to move beyond them.

    Honest parenting.

  • Darlene @ After the Photo

    “We cannot go back and make a new start…but we can start now and make a new ending”. Good job Stac…. xoxoxoxoxo

  • meg

    Quite often I feel angry and frustrated at my little man. Its something that I am def. trying to change that. I’m not making excuses for myself but as a single mom i think its a lot harder to bypass these feelings when you are surrounded by a toddler 24/7. Hah.

  • I couldn’t agree more. Thanks for putting it in words. I think it could apply to dads too though. 😉