Burning Up on Re-entry

My trip to California was fabulous.  Well, minus the Continental Airlines staff at the Oakland Airport.  I’m still deciding if I’m going to post all the details of their shenanigans; it’s completely mind-boggling what little regard they have for their travelers as *individuals* with *individual* needs.  Argh.

Moving on…

It was definitely the highlight of the trip to introduce Elijah to my sisters and to have my parents spend more time with him.  My sister Chris declared that she was “smitten.”  It was truly crazy how my often fussy boy became a TOTAL ANGEL during the entire length of my visit to California.  My parents kept kidding that I’m a big fibber on this blog.  I can’t possibly blame them – he was perfectly charming to everyone (strangers included!), flashing smiles and cooing coos and tilting his head into an “aw shucks” pose every other moment.  He even slept well!  Insane!!  I kept looking at him and thinking “WHO IS THIS BABY??”  I had just as much fun as everyone else did discovering his personality.  It was such a breath of fresh air.

Here’s a photo that epitomizes his mood for FIVE WHOLE DAYS:

And then?  And then we had to come home.

I should have known by his behavior on the flight home.  He was fussy and fitful and impossible to please.  Everyone around me was very nice and patient (thank you for that!).  He slept “alright” the night we got home, and when we woke up the next morning, it seemed he was back to same ol’ high-needs child.

It sent me into a bit of a funk to have him switch back like that.  Until I realized that it wasn’t HIM who changed in California.  It was ME.  I was relaxed and focused and totally able to tune in to JUST ELIJAH.  How nice that must have been for him!  And although my husband and kids left the house in decent condition, there were still things I needed to jump right back into doing once we got home.  Groceries, dishes, bills.  You know…LIFE.  Which left Eli sitting in the Exersaucer a little longer than he may have liked, or playing on the floor with toys that I just kept kicking over to him as I buzzed around the living room.  He screamed and hollered for a good while at bedtime until I just gave in and made my husband deal with it.  I went and buried my head in my pillow, falling quickly into a mean sleep.

Yesterday, when it wasn’t feeling so fresh, I decided that I need to come up with a better plan.  Ok, so my baby would prefer to be an only child.  Sorry, kiddo, that ship has sailed.  So what now?  You’d like a Mommy who isn’t such a stressball?  Maybe I can do something about that.  How do I translate the relaxation I felt in California to the life I have here in Texas?  (A life I have CHOSEN, by the way, and that I really do love.)  I need to make wise choices about how to spend the wealth of my time.  I need to strive for balance every day.  It requires a lot of thinking, sometimes some planning, and a whole lot of praying on my part.  That’s the only way I know how to do it.

Coming home hasn’t just been made difficult by the changes in baby and I – it’s also been hard to be so far away from family again.  And it’s been hard to be placed back into such a different environment than what I’ve known on the West Coast.  Can I just tell you?-Sonoma is BEAUTIFUL this time of year.  It made my stomach ache.  It’s so hard to make these choices that help your family, help your future, and hurt your heart.  It just stinks.  But it is what it is, and while I’m trying to change my perspective on who I need to be for my family (ie:  less stressed!), I’m also trying to change my perspective on what it means to me to live here.

It was great to see family and friends – really great.  It was good to think quiet thoughts and look at my baby from a distance.  It nourished my soul to see those green, rolling hills and miles of blooming vineyards.  I did take one long nap there – the kind of nap where you wake up just enough to realize you’re napping, and then you happily fall back into a luscious sleep.  It was all good, and I’m grateful.

And now it’s time to rediscover all the things to be grateful for right here in my own home.

  • Jill

    They WOULD be squishy goodness together!
    Not creepy at all!:)

    Thanks for understanding! 🙂 sn

  • No, no, no… CLEARLY this child just wants to live in California.

    And who can blame him. 😀

    We are just home from Seattle and feeling a bit as you do about leaving it. We’re staying positive. Or, we’re trying.

    My parents kept saying that he obviously liked the air better in California! 🙂 They suggested that I just leave him there, but I’m thinking some complications might eventually arise…. 😉 sn

  • Naomi

    Glad you’re back. Of course I didn’t really notice you were gone. I just thought you didn’t like me anymore. LOL. I need to hear about the Continental thing. My husband is sending me away for our anniversary (with the baby, by choice) and we were contemplating that airline…so dish the scoop, eh?

    Unless you’ll be flying to Oakland (and why on EARTH would you want to do that??), then I don’t think you’ll have a problem with Continental. When is your anniversary? You’re a stinker with the “didn’t like me anymore” comment. 😉 It’s been weeks since I was at church, though, just with General Conference and then being gone! We need to connect soon! sn

  • That picture is just the cutest!! Not to mention the one you showed me on the computer the other night!!! That is one handsome young man.

    I wish there were something you could take to help combat your severe allergic reaction to Texas! 😉 I don’t think Zyrtec will suffice. Too many bugs and not enough rolling green hills!

    I would post the other picture, too, but silly as I am, I’m trying to enter it into a couple of contests, and one of the rules is that there be no other “public display” of the photo. Not that anyone other than family and friends reads this blog!! But still.

    As for allergies? I’m struggling with denial. I’ve never had allergies in my life, but now I’m a bundle of itchy eyes, sneezes, and congestion. What can a nursing mother take? I’ll stick with “I’m ignoring it, so it can’t be real” and I’ll see how far I get! 😉 sn

  • Christina

    Yes, truth be told… I am extremely smitten with Eli! I tried my hardest to escape with him unnoticed but the keen eye of his mother didn’t allow this 🙁 Anyway, I feel your pain having lived in WI, IL and FL. You WILL be okay and find your groove, but it does take time I’m afraid. Family, friends and new activities are the only way to combat the “I miss the West Coast blues”. I still feel itchy in San Diego sometimes because it’s different. I’m always here to talk to 🙂 xoxo

    —->THIS, my friends, is my sister Chris!!! Welcome, welcome! (I don’t think you’ve ever commented here!) 😉 Maybe I’m reading a little into this, but I think Eli kinda liked you as well. 🙂 He could smell the goodness all over you and I think he felt warm and comfy with you!

    On the plane ride home (and several times since) I kept thinking to myself that my home is wherever my family is – MY family, Robb and the kids. We’re in this together, and I can’t alienate them because of whatever funk I’m in. Realizing that has made things better. And we’ve made such good friends here – they keep me sane! Thanks for being such a great sister. You’re often in my thoughts and my fondest desire is that you are some day rewarded with everything you’ve hoped for yourself. Love you tons and oodles! sn

  • glad to hear things are “back to normal”. maybe there is something to the whole California air thing…i mean i always feel better here too.

    that pic of the baby is soooo precious!

    welcome home!!

    Thanks for the welcome! 🙂 You know, as soon as I landed back in Texas, my head congested right up! I think I’m allergic to something here that isn’t in California or Oregon! Yikes! So, yes…West Coast air is preferable at this point. 🙁 sn