Welcome Back, Sanity

While there may still be some pieces of my sanity floating out in the ether – no doubt absorbed by the atmosphere after evaporating from my tear-stained cheeks – I think I’m feeling a steady return to mental health.

I hope my honesty doesn’t alarm anyone – I’m really okay.  I’ve just come through a patch of depression mixed with pregnancy hormones mixed with overwhelmed schedule mixed with four kids home on summer break.  In my life, I know to make room for what I periodically refer to as “being in deep,” because I know that it cycles back out to what I’m feeling right now.  Which is, sorta, I don’t know…more “normal.”

Yesterday I even had the presence of mind to kick all four of my kids out of the house.  I figure at 13, 10, 9, and 6, they can bike their little selves over to the nearby school and have some fun without me.  The alone time – all TWO HOURS of it!! – was total and utter bliss.  And it sounds like they had some fun, too.

This week I’m also benefitting from the guilty relief of having my husband out of town on business.  I know that sounds a little backwards – he’s been SO busy lately, and it’s been a strain on all of us.  But him being here and busy – taking the car, needing me to help him transition from one responsibility to the next (as in:  can you find that for me?  can you look this up?  can you call so-and-so?  etc) – is much different from him being somewhere else and busy.  For one thing, I have the car completely at my disposal all week.  Hallelujah!  And also, anything that he needs to do will just have to wait until he gets back, which means I’m not feeling like I’m “at attention” every day.  I hope I’m not sounding too ungrateful for a man I truly and deeply love.  Maybe some of you other moms/wives know what I’m talking about.

At any rate, things are looking up.  I love the feeling of optimism and hope that comes after being in a dark place.  It’s truly like little beams of sunshine, and it makes me appreciate the harvest of having faith.  Because that is one thing that always remains, no matter how blue I feel or how overwhelmed I am – I never doubt that my Father in Heaven is with me and that I will progress through all of my trials.

At church on Sunday we sang a hymn that I’ve sung a hundred times, but it really seemed to be appropriate for what I’ve been feeling (and what I’m able to regard with more perspective now).  The hymn is called “Press Forward, Saints”:

Press forward, Saints, with steadfast faith in Christ,
With hope’s bright flame alight in heart and mind,
With love of God and love of all mankind.

Alleluia! Alleluia! Alleluia!

Press forward, feasting on the word of Christ.
Receive his name, rejoicing in his might.
Come unto God; find everlasting light.

Alleluia! Alleluia! Alleluia!

Press on, enduring in the ways of Christ.
His love proclaim thru days of mortal strife.
Thus saith our God: “Ye have eternal life!”

Alleluia! Alleluia! Alleluia!

Alleluia, indeed.  🙂