Bipolar Housekeeping Disorder

I have a condition known as Bipolar Housekeeping Disorder.  You may not have heard of it, or seen sappy pharmaceutical commercials showing others with my ailment, but believe you me, it’s the real deal.  Here is some helpful information that may help you to make a self-diagnosis:


The “high”…One week your house is spotless.  It doesn’t matter if you’ve cleaned it because you have company coming over or because you’re sick of tripping over the same toy eighteen times or because you’ve decided that by-golly, you’re finally gonna start keeping your house as clean as your mother kept it.  All that matters is that you are a woman obsessed, and that you are tempted at the drop of a dust spec to threaten family and loved ones within an inch of their life if they DON’T PICK UP AFTER THEMSELVES!!

The “low”…you buy paper plates while grocery shopping because you’re well aware that every single dish in your house is dirty, and it ain’t you that’s gonna take care of it.  No Sir-ee.  If the smell from the disposal doesn’t bother anyone else, then it doesn’t bother you, either.  The clothes may be washed, but they’re in a pile in your room, and anyway, it’s good exercise for the kids to dig and haul and sort through what they might be able to find in there.

Living with this disorder can be frustrating for your family, unless you train them well.  Then they’ll learn to hide and cower during either extreme, being careful to clean up during the “highs” and learning not to ask if their favorite red shirt is clean during the “lows.”  More often than not, you may even find that they manage to fairly adequately fend for themselves during either stage in your swing.

I’d love to stay and offer more insight into this condition that may (or may not?) plague Mothers across the country, but you see….I’m in my “high,” and the vacuum is calling.  (and the duster…and the polish…and the finger-printed walls…and the top of the refrigerator…and the grout in the tub………..)